LostGirl asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have been in relationships almost solidly since I was about 14 (now 23). A couple of months ago I split up with my boyfriend of 2 years and was looking forward to being single for a while and figuring out who I am. However, I've found that all I want to do is have sex all the time. Especially after I've had a drink. I'm putting myself in dangerous situations and losing the respect of my friends, but I really enjoy going out and having sex with random men, even ones I'm not attracted to! I felt rejected sexually by my ex and this was one of the main reasons I split with him so maybe that has something to do with my newly rebellious behaviour! The next problem is that I really like one of the guys I slept with, but he hasn't responded to my messages so I think he just sees me as an easy lay. But I want him!! I signed up to online dating as well, and find myself on porn sites more often, and thinking about sex non-stop! It seems like in the search to find myself, I've become completely obsessed with men and sex! What should I dooo??!!
Hi Lost Girl,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It is understandable that after being with one man in each of your relationships that you are looking to explore but you are right; you are putting yourself in dangerous situations. It is important that if you do want no strings attached sex that you are protected and that you feel safe with the men you are going home with. You run the risk of STIs, pregnancy, and much worse; being attacked. If they are complete strangers how do you know that you can be safe with them? If you have had a drink too then that could make you more easily persuaded to do things that you wouldn’t if your were sober or be less preoccupied with making sure you are sexually protected. You might have been lucky so far, but this could be a recipe for disaster. Watching porn might be a safer way to feel satisfied without the risk.
If you are beginning to have feelings for one of the guys; if you want him to think that you are more than an ‘easy lay’ then it might be worth dialling back your one night stands. If you continue in this habit then it might only reinforce his beliefs about you.
You have already identified why you crave so much sex- because you were sexually rejected by your ex- which is a positive first step. Perhaps rebelling against this is ultimately not making you feel any better about yourself. It is always nice to feel wanted, however these encounters might only make you feel Iike that for a few hours. Then you could be looking for the next person to make you feel sexually attractive again, and so the vicious cycle continues.
After a break up, you might need your friends for support, so if what you are doing is driving them away, then maybe try to keep on their good side. One night stands are exactly what they say they are- but your friends will be around for life. They are likely only looking after your best interests. Finding a man who does not reject you sexually but who also wants to see you for longer than a few drunken hours might be what you are looking for to stop you in your tracks.
tagged in Friends relationships couple yin and yang single agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.