Kelly asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have been seeing this guy since November time, at first we just slept together and then in January we started seeing each other. We made it official in April. Before me he was casually sleeping with my friend but had no feelings for her, on Boxing Day he got drunk and they had sex again this was before we got together but after our first time having sex and as I didn't have much feelings for him didn't bother me. But now I do, I really like him, may even love him. But I can't get other the fact he has slept with my mate before. He says if he knew he had a chance with me he would never of and all that. However she is in our friend group and she still flirts with him which gets to me which she denies. I have got to the point I can't even look at them while being in same room, it makes me feel sick and I'm always thinking about it which causes arguments between me and my partner. She has started to really annoy me but I think it's the fact I know they have slept together, I don't want to finish with him other it. But I really can't stand it, it makes me so upset knowing and these pictures keep going through my head. What do I do?
Our Reply
Hi Kelly,
If he doesn’t feelings for her, then it sounds like her advances might wash over him. He chose you over her and it seems like all they had was something physical anyway. The images may be vivid in your mind right now, however, with time these might fade the more moments you spend as a couple.
Could you dial back how often you meet with that group of friends until you have been going out a bit longer and feel more secure in your relationship? If it’s only early days with him then you might still be unsure of how committed he is to you, which could be fuelling your worries.
Even if she makes a move- does that mean he will reciprocate? If you trust him then it sounds like a lot of it is her hanging onto false hopes. If she thinks that she is doing no wrong then chances are she is not going to change to make you feel better about things.
This is perhaps a battle that you are going to have to overcome yourself. If your partner has given you no indication that he would go back to her or stray, then maybe try to have a little more faith in him. Most men and woman have slept with other people before their current partner. It is unfortunate that you have to still see her. If you feel like you can fall in love with him still, instead of focusing on her and him- perhaps put all your energy into the relationship. A good distraction can work wonders and if you do meet up with your friends- he might be so consumed by you that she could give up and move on.
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