Alison asks :
Hi Lucy,
I met this guy online about 5 months ago, he was working away so it took as a while to actually meet. (I knew he was actually away due to Facebook updates with his family and stuff). We talked everyday about everything. Problems we were having and both always said we couldn't wait to meet. He sometimes had a few moments where he was unsure what he actually wanted but always snapped out of it. We met last week as soon as he was home. It was a fantastic first date, lasted all day and we connected so well. We both agreed to sort out a second date soon after. We carried on talking every day and said how we couldn't wait to see each other again. So I invited him around mine, he agreed and said we'd sort out details closer to the time as it was a week away. After this he went cold. I noticed on Facebook that his ex was in a relationship and then this family dog passed away which he was really upset about. A week passed I messaged him daily with no replies. On the Friday I heard back from him and he said he didn't want to come to mine. I said ‘I guess it's goodbye’ and he has my number if he would like to contact me if he changes his mind. He said thank you. And that he can't explain what's happened it's nothing I've done, I'm still great and it's him that’s not right. And thanked me for being sweet. In the heat of the moment I sent some crazy stuff. Later I said sorry and that it would be a shame to lose a great friendship too, so he can contact me for a drink anytime. I've heard nothing it's only been 2 days. I haven't contacted him. It's so hard. I miss him so much. Problem is I think I was falling in love with him. I'm scared he’s gone forever. I don't know what to do, I just want to reach out to him. Please help.
Hi Alison,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps you just need to give him some space- if he said that it was more him than you, then maybe he has some things he wants to sort out before getting into a relationship. You spoke of talking to him about problems- maybe he wants to work through those before letting someone else in.
If he has not been in touch then maybe that is his way of telling you to leave him be. He said that he didn’t want to take things further before you messaged him so perhaps it’s less to do with your reaction to him saying goodbye and more about the place he’s in.
You say that you were falling in love with him- so perhaps finding out now that he isn’t right for you is better than if things went further down the line- this could have only hurt you more.
You have left the ball in his court and asked him to contact you if he needs you, so perhaps if he wants to be friends again he will make the effort to seek you out.
You say there were a few moments where he wasn’t sure of what he wanted- maybe he isn’t and rather than messing you around he has done the kindest thing and decided to go off the radar for a while.
You might reconnect in future, but for now- it might be wise to try and move on from him and find someone who is ready for a relationship at the same time you are.
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