Louise asks :
Hi Lucy,
A few weeks ago me and my best friend (for 6 years) were out clubbing, I met this guy and one thing led to another, I ended up sleeping with him (although I don't do that kind of thing a lot, it made me feel cheap and I did regret it in the morning) however it was much to my best friends delight, she encouraged me to go back with him that night. Me and the guy had been exchanging flirty harmless texts, he asked me if I'd go on a date with him, after a bit of deliberation with my best friend I said yes, what the hell! A week and a bit on, my best friend is out clubbing again and she bumps into said guy, she texts me saying that he's out and asking for me. The next morning I received a text from her saying 'please don't kill me, I'm at *the boy’s name* house' I was stunned, she slept with him, after I had discussed with her intimate details etc. she has never done anything like this before, but I can't forget it. I asked her why, she said she was drunk and he was really persuasive, I asked her if she fancied him, she said no. She hasn't said sorry and still talks to the guy on a regular-ish basis. I feel so betrayed and confused as to why she did it, what makes it worse is that they both were discussing me and both texting me that night, I know it was only a guy and that we hadn't actually been on a date but I feel as though she has stabbed me in the back and I can't trust her anymore. I don't know what to do, do I cut her out of my life (like so many people have said) or do I give her a second chance? People have said to me I'm too nice, so I'm struggling on what to do, Advice would be much appreciated! X
Hi Louise,
Agony Aunts on Female First
It is possible that your friend was jealous that someone was interested in you and craved the same feeling of being wanted. Does she always get the attention when you are out clubbing? She might have felt insecure if the roles were suddenly reversed.
It all depends if you feel you can forgive her in time or if your trust for her is totally shattered.
If you have been friends for so long it will be hard to turn your back on her, however if you don't how can you be sure she won't do this to you again? Could you bear to feel the betrayal you feel now all over again if she happens to repeat her behaviour? You say that she 'encouraged you' to go home with him that night- this could have put you in a potentially dangerous situation. If you didn't know this man then you could have put yourself at risk of being attacked. It might be worth thinking about how much she cares about your safety when you are out together.
With all that said, you have been friends for many years, perhaps you could sit down and talk to her about how it's made you feel and give her a chance to explain- it seems a waste to throw your friendship away without deconstructing things a bit first.
It sounds like she was active in getting you together and she knew where you were at with him- so it seems like she went into this knowing that you were possibly on the cusp of dating him.
If this guy was persuasive enough to get you both to sleep with him then perhaps he will not be faithful to you if you were to start dating. Although what happened might hurt, it could be better than the alternative- that you started to exclusively date only to find he was going behind your back with other women.
It does sound frustrating that they were talking about you and texting you while they were together- however if you are close to your friend you might have told her everything that happened with him and obviously he already knows because he was with you. The chances of any new information being exchanged could be quite low.
tagged in yin and yang best friend agony aunt
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