Corinne asks :
Hi Lucy,
I'm really bothered. Years ago I was on my way to work when I became aware of a man staring at me. I looked up to find this beautiful man. I fell in love instantly. Months later I came home to find him sat in my couch... He was my housemate’s friend. He made it pretty clear he liked me but I was with someone else (M) Years later, I'm married to M but still think about the other guy constantly. I heard that up until recently, he used to go into my husband’s shop and ask about me/ tease him about me. I recently heard that he became so stressed, that he developed alopecia, his hair fell out and he became a recluse. I'm really bothered about this and although I have a wonderful husband, I think about the other guy constantly. I worry about him, and I feel my life is not complete without him. I feel absolutely guilty for feeling this way about someone else but really can't stop. Please help! Xx
Our Reply
Hi Corinne,
Perhaps you are feeling this way because of what could have been- the unknown. If he had walked out of your life then maybe you would not think of him anymore- however since he is still seeing your husband and talking about you then maybe the ‘what if’ instinct is playing on your mind.
Perhaps what you need to do is take him out of the equation and look at how the relationship is with your husband. If everything is ok, then maybe it’s just curiosity, which is normal when you have been with someone for a long time- to imagine yourself with someone new. If it is not then it might be wise to try and figure this out before looking elsewhere.
It seems that you care for this other man, especially now that he has become a recluse- but could you see yourself in a relationship with him now he is far removed from the guy you met a few years ago? Perhaps you are still hanging on to the image you had of him then- could you cope being his partner if he never wanted to go out anywhere?
It might be that these feelings triggered by something that is not going to plan at home. Perhaps you didn’t ‘fall in love instantly’ with your husband and this is what is making you wonder. Are you still attracted to him?
Maybe you could talk to your partner if there is something that you need to work on or go and see a relationship counsellor? If you married him then it seems there was something that attracted you to him in the first place- could you recapture that again?
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