Kyla asks :
Hi Lucy,
I rarely sleep separate from my boyfriend of 4yrs who I live with. But when I do he masturbates. We have a healthy sex life and don't argue about sexual activity etc... We have sex around 3-5 times a week. However we are not as adventurous as we were. Sometimes due to his snoring I'll sleep in another room of the house. Next afternoon when I go to tidy the house and sort washing out I'll find his boxer rolled up with cum marks on them like he has come and wiped it off. I have confronted him once and he's denied it he then done it again and I don't know if or how I should confront him. Is this to worry about? Why would he rather do that when he can have me? What does this mean?
Hi Kyla,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If your sex life is healthy then perhaps there is nothing to worry about here. Sometimes when a partner masturbates it can feel like rejection, however if you are having sex 3-5 times per week then he is not lacking in that area of your relationship. It might be different if you rarely or never had sex.
Men get into the habit of regularly masturbating from being a teenager, so it's more normality than anything else, even if they are having great sex with their lover. Just as you might like to have some alone time to masturbate- he does too, just perhaps not as often where you are concerned.
If he feels that he is doing something wrong then he might be compelled to lie to you. If you masturbate and tell him that you do then he might be more inclined to share his patterns of behaviour in return.
So many women stress about this, but it's often not a reflection of any relationship issues or sexual inadequacies, it just biology. Men are programmed to orgasm more because it's necessary for reproduction. Even if you are not trying for a baby, or you have an amazing sex life, it is his instinct to masturbate. If you think of it like this then perhaps next time you find out he has been having some alone time- that its nothing to do with you- just an innateness to procreate.
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.