Elizabeth asks :

Hi Lucy,

I'm in my early twenties and about a year ago I started a relationship with a man who is 20 years older than me. He came into my life very quickly and it was quite overwhelming and I regrettably ended up having a one night stand. Me and my boyfriend weren't together at this point but we had discussed having a relationship and I knew his feelings for me. I immediately regretted it and told him straight away and though he was hurt we decided to try and be together. The problem is however that he still struggles with it after a year together, I understand that I hurt him and I have been patient with him but I have tried so hard to gain his trust and to show him I love him. I have never done anything like the since, in fact in many way I have overly restricted myself for fear it will trigger him into thinking about it again. When he is thinking about it he is very moody and snappy, he will often make snide remarks and cutting comments and in extreme cases say that he's going to leave me but often when I confront him he will say he doesn't know what I am talking about and that he is fine. This is at least a weekly occurrence and I wake up each morning not knowing if it will happen that day and how he will be with me. I do love him very much and am always honest and kind with him but I often find myself in a situation where I have done something that I was thought was fine but upsets him and he says is selfish or insensitive of suspicious. Though I want to defend myself I feel I lose all power in the face of his argument, I feel I am doubting myself and my actions and am apologising for things I didn't originally think were wrong. I understand he has every right to feel hurt and to have time to trust again but I am finding myself becoming increasingly confused about when he is acting as he as a right to or when he is being unfair to me, the lines seemed to of been blurred.