Why does my partner shut down after arguments?

by Lucy Moore | 6 May 2015

Hi Tish,

Agony Aunts on Female First

It sounds like you need to work on your communication skills in your relationship. If you feel that you need to talk about your arguments and the reasons behind them, then perhaps this is something you need to address with your partner. Relationships always work better if each person feels that they can be honest with their loved one in times of disagreement.

If neither of you talk about the problems in your relationship then this will only make your issues worse. If you sweep every disagreement under the carpet then they will become bigger and blown out of proportion as other niggles pile on top- better to speak about each one as the happen before they become unmanageable. If your boyfriend simply pushes you away then it might be up to you to initiate these conversations.

The next time you argue, perhaps take some time out and think about what it is that you are angry about. Once you have cooled down, then maybe ask him to sit with you to talk it through and ask him his side of things. Even if you feel you are right it always helps to get another perspective and vice versa. If he sees that you are trying then he might be inclined to do the same in return.

If he shuts down, then the likelihood is that he has a lot of thinking time while he's doing this- so at this point you might both be able to see things more rationally and calmly. Hopefully by then you will be in a better position to come to some sort of compromise.

Pretending that nothing has happened and denying your problems will never make your relationship better- only stagnant or worse, so perhaps it's time to start facing the reasons behind your conflicts and find ways to diffuse them sooner rather than later.

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by Lucy Moore for relationships.femalefirst.co.uk
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