Anonymous asks :
Hi Lucy,
I recently had a fight with my boyfriend of 8 months on the phone before he was due to go away to Italy to see his ill granddad. I have a problem in our relationship because he always seems too busy for me. If it’s not work, then its financial problems (which is have helped him out on a few times).Whenever we see each other, it’s always to fit into his 'busy' schedule. A couple of days before he was to go away to Italy for over a month, I got mad at him over the phone as we had promised to meet up before he went away. He didn’t call me back until late, and in the end we couldn’t meet. In anger, I told him what I thought of him putting me last always and that I didn’t want to be with him. I said the last bit in haste, and didn’t mean it, so within the hour I decided to call him to apologise, but he didn’t answer even though I tried calling and texting him many times. He didn’t contact me until he left He should be back in the next 1-2 weeks. I don’t know if he will contact me or whether or not are still together, because he didn’t say anything. I still love him and I told him this via text many times before he went away. I’m so confused. I love him and the times we are together, we get along so well. He hasn’t lied to me to date either. He hasn’t told me it’s over, and usually he is quite a frank person. What should I do now?
Hi Anonymous,
Agony Aunts on Female First
Perhaps the reason he has not made contact is because he wants to focus on his granddad right now, which is understandable. If he has to deal with relationship issues and his ill grandfather, things might be too much for him. He might need to process one thing at once, so his granddad might be his one priority right now.
If he has not officially ended things then maybe he is waiting until he gets back to sort your relationship out with you.
If you have made steps to text him and you have got nothing back, then perhaps leave it alone until he comes back. He likely knows that you are sorry for what you did if you have text him, so maybe he just needs this time to mull it over.
Perhaps once you know what is happening with his granddad sit down and have a talk with him about everything that is not working for you in the relationship. If you ‘get mad’ with him, then chances are he will shut down and not try to change. If you have a calm conversation then he will likely be more responsive to it.
If you feel that you must make contact then perhaps write him a letter. Texts can be very short explanations for things we regret, so a letter might enable you to express yourself more clearly and explain why you got angry.
It might be that you need to be patient right now and wait for him to make the next move. Perhaps try and keep yourself busy until he returns and see what happens then.
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