Jessica asks :
Hi Lucy,
I have been going out with my boyfriend for five years. Four months ago I discovered he had set up a dating profile. It had not been active in three years but it was active the first two years we were going out. He said he never used it. He also had another website set up, which was active a month ago; it was to meet transvestites, even though he is straight. He says it was just a stupid thing he did, but now I can’t stop thinking he is gay or wants to be with a man or he/she. I’m afraid to love him the way I did before because he has hurt me so much. I’m a really affectionate person and always give 100 percent when I’m in love but now I’m so wary off him, feel like he is sneaky, I can’t talk to anyone about this as it’s so embarrassing, I am trying to move on from this but I think about it every day, I can’t keep bringing it up and looking for reassurance, please help
Hi Jessica,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If the account was set up as you began dating then perhaps at first he left it open because he wasn’t sure if you two would last, so kept it as a fall-back. Men are the more visual sex and still look at other women, even if they are in a relationship, so perhaps it was just window shopping with no intention of doing anything about it. Like if you walk down the street together- men will check out the other women around them, despite being attached. This is human nature. All that said, it doesn’t instil a lot of faith in you that the relationship is stable if he was taking greater lengths to look at other eligible women- if he was engaging with them then it might have been an indicator that he was thinking about the alternative hree years ago.
Perhaps talk to him and ask him how he would feel if you had been looking on dating sites while you were first together? Could you talk to him about the doubts you are now having since seeing the new dating site he is frequenting? Surely if you were looking at similar sites he would have some questions.
The new dating site he is on could be out of simple curiosity, men are curious creatures and maybe it was to explore this world a little more. However he could have just as easily Googled it if he was searching for answers.
Perhaps you could enrol in some relationship counselling to explore this a little more if you are not able to move on. That way it would be confidential and hopefully if your partner is having any doubts about his sexuality or indeed his desire to dress up, he can talk about them with you or justify why he feels the need to be signed up to dating sites while he is exclusively with you.
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