Confused asks :
Hi Lucy,
Am I fooling myself? I'm a single mother and I've been having an affair with a married woman, I love her and she says she loves me. Her husband found out last month and she told him she wasn't happy and wanted to end it. They have 2 young children, and a house together and she doesn't work, so she decided it's financially impossible to leave him yet. We have carried on the affair, she says she wants a future with me but asked me to be patient, am I fooling myself into believing she will eventually leave him?
Hi Confused,
Agony Aunts on Female First
If the only thing holding her back is the money are you able to support both of you on your wage?
If she has already told him that she wants to end it and isn’t happy, then it sounds like she has made one step closer to being with you.
Could you suggest that she finds some work so she can become self-sufficient? If you are still seeing each other then maybe talk to her about your options if you want to be together and perhaps you can better gauge if she is serious about being in a relationship with you by putting some steps in place.
Perhaps she is held back by the money but also her children and how leaving would affect them. She has a roof over her head and a home for her children, which might be important to her. The children would not only have to deal with a separation but also accepting that their mother is dating someone new. That is a lot to take in for young children. You may need to be patient here as she and her family have a lot to give up and many changes to adjust to.
If you care enough about each other then if you ask her for her complete honesty- you might get an answer from her about the probability of your future together. The truth is essential here so you can both be fair to each other.
tagged in Love children Mother Affair Husband married yin and yang single agony aunt
Need Help?
If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. It's quick, easy, free and you don't have to leave your real name.