The end of the year, and the end of a decade, is almost upon us. Here comes all the feelings of regret for the things we have not done. We look towards the stack of self-help books we have consumed over the past year and wonder why none of it really worked. We feel we are struggling to be better people but what is the answer? The answer is simple yet difficult because it is so different. The answer is in realising there is nothing wrong with us. We don’t need to be fixed. We just need to drop the struggle and remember who we are.
Are You Here Yet?
First and foremost, DO NOT make any New Year’s resolutions. Resolutions fail inherently because they are just random things we can say we are going to do in the new year. And why do we have to wait for a specific date? Why not just do it right now? Beat the New Year crowds and start making these lifestyle changes today. This way, it will be based on something you want to do for yourself and not some festive occasion.
Who we are as individuals is inherently great. What we need to take a good look at is what is not working. It’s not us as individuals that isn’t working but what we are doing that isn’t working. Your second step in letting go of the struggle is to figure out what you need to do differently. Sometimes it will be in the form of changing a behaviour and at other times, it may take the form of changing your perception of how you are seeing the situation. It may be a combination of both, which is probably one of the strongest options you could exercise.
Your next step would be to identify the next step to take towards your desired outcomes. We often trip ourselves up because we think of the big picture. Think of the big picture but don’t focus on it. When we think too hard on the final outcome, we can talk ourselves out of anything as the final outcome can be quite scary. When we break it down into manageable chunks, it becomes less overwhelming. No matter how small the next step is, just go there. Then figure out the next step afterwards. The small steps start to add up until you get your final outcome.
With regards to the final outcome, let go of what it needs to look like. Yes, stop attaching to a specific outcome as it may not look like that when you get there. Or, like my last relationship, you may not want it after you get it. Focus more on what you want it to feel like once you have it. Does this final outcome stimulate a sense of joy, hope, strength? Stay in the space of that feeling and it will help you along your path.
While on the journey, DO NOT compare yourself to someone else’s journey. Because you are two distinctly different people, your journeys will be distinctly different. While there may be some similarities sprinkled across the way, your measure of success cannot be someone else who is not you. The best comparison measure is to compare yourself today against who you were yesterday. Two simple tools to augment your journey would be to have an accountability partner and treat yourself during certain points along the way. Grab one of your best friends, maybe one who is more knowledgeable in the endeavour you are engaging in or wants to do the same thing. Either way, now you have someone to share your gains as well as your sorrows who will be there to cheer you along the way. On the subject of cheers, be your own cheerleader and treat yourself when you achieve certain levels of progress. Make sure this cheer doesn’t set you back from the progress you are treating yourself for.
There you have it my lovelies. No need to struggle anymore. The key to any success is to break things down into manageable chunks as well as to be mindful of the “why” of what you are doing this work for and being more present in the process. All hope is not lost.