When you become a mum, all your thinking and being goes into your children. They become the centre of your world and you pour your heart and soul into them. Whilst motherhood can be the most rewarding job, you can sometimes find yourself losing your own identity. Bringing YOU back into the equation can help build your confidence as a person, as well as a mum. Kylie Carter runs a support network called The Confident Mums Society (www. confidentmumssociety.com) and her new book, Finding Yourself: The Confident Mums Guide to Business is out on 24th June. Here she has seven top tips for you to be a confident mum:
1. The power of positive affirmations.
Everything you have experienced in life has shaped the way you think and has contributed to building your beliefs. Some of these beliefs though, can be limiting.
To work through these beliefs, give yourself the proof to show that your limiting belief isn’t a fact from every perspective. Then use this proof to build a case against the belief. Replace this limiting belief with a positive affirmation that’s true. Repeat this affirmation daily and feel your confidence grow as you change your beliefs.
Eg. You may tell yourself ‘I’m not clever’. This is a self-limiting belief - you DO have knowledge that others don’t. So rather than telling yourself ‘I’m not clever’ - switch this on its head and say:
‘I’m really knowledgeable in (xyz). Therefore, I’m clever.’
2. Inspirational Music.
Music is powerful way to feel through your emotions. When you’re feeling as though you could do with a quick confidence boost, stick-on an uplifting tune and just feel it. Research has shown that music has the power to raise adrenaline and so listening to music that uplifts you, will cause a chemical reaction to make you feel more alert and ready to take on the tasks ahead! My top picks are:
· Happy by Pharrell Williams
· Rise up by Andra Day
· Lovely Day by Bill Withers
3. Make ‘to-do’ lists and time block
One thing that can hinder mums is uncertainty. Mums tend to be super busy, and time can be a worry. A great way to combat this is to set aside time each week and schedule the days/times into your diary to complete all the tasks on your list. Knowing that you have set time aside to complete all your tasks means that you can relax, knowing everything is in-hand. It will also help make you feel more confident, knowing the week ahead has been prepared for
4. Set your goals and keep them visible
Set quarterly, yearly, monthly, weekly, and daily goals. Ensure they’re measurable and have a ‘done by’ date. Keep these goals in front of you, whether in picture form, written on a post-it note, or saved on your computer’s desktop. Getting your intentions into the world and keeping them visible will push you to work harder to achieve them. Watching your goals getting checked-off will boost your confidence and show you that ‘you have got this’.
5. Practice daily gratitude
This can be the most beautiful and humbling practice. Sometimes in life, especially as busy mums, you can get swept along with the future - what’s the next goal to reach? What’s the next activity to attend? When you spend so little time on the here and now, you can easily forget all that you have around you. Some might include the abilities of your physical body, your beautiful children, a roof over your heads, food in your tummies etc. Thinking about and being grateful for all you have each day will ground you. It will also make you feel safer and happier and make you realise how much you have. This will naturally build your confidence.
As a mum, you often put your needs on the back burner and perhaps don’t work through problems as thoroughly as needed. This negativity and uncertainty can lead to a lack in confidence. Journalling is a great way to express yourself – Get your thoughts out there and work through any issues. Building this self-awareness is all part of personal development and will also grow your confidence.
7. See yourself through your children’s eyes
Your children are THE most important thing in the world to you. So why not learn to see you through their eyes? Through their young, innocent, and truthful eyes or if they’re older, perhaps how they saw you whilst growing up. You will be their superhero – the one who knows everything and can make the world a better place. The caring, loving, kind and giving person that they idolise. And the best part - It’s their opinion that really counts for you, so believe them when they tell you. Let your confidence shine, knowing that you’re their world.
Finding Yourself: The Confident Mums Guide to Business by Kylie Carter is available on Amazon from 24th June 2021