Following the release of The Seven Pillars of Nonsense, author Michael Roselaar shares the 10 things that his readers should know about him:
Michael Roselaar
Early Life
My father said some people are brought up at Eton but I was more eaten and brought up. I think he was joking. I grew up in Hackney and attended Hackney Downs School (Grocers). Some time after I left, part of the building was destroyed by fire. There were no arrests. I then took a degree at the London School of Economics. No one noticed and I was allowed to keep it. Life is a lottery, if you don’t buy a ticket, you will not win.
Family
Happily married to the same wonderful wife for more than fifty years. (My wife, who wishes to remain anonymous and not be mixed up with the rubbish I write, refuses to comment.) We have three children and ten grandchildren. This gives some assurance that at least someone will read my work. We now live in Hendon, North London. Life is like a garden; if you don't cut the grass and trim the flowerbeds, it gets in a mess.
Employment
Most of my working life was spent in Essex, living first in Grays and then in Basildon, where my son’s school was destroyed by fire; no one was arrested. I was employed at Thurrock Technical College for thirty-one years, where I epitomised the Peter Principle: in a hierarchy people tend to rise “to the level of their incompetence”. Some years later, the buildings that had housed the College were destroyed by fire; no one was arrested. Life is a long road full of potholes. Try to avoid them.
Early Retirement
Meanwhile, faced with the appalling alternative of staying I decided to go and took early retirement. It made all those years of working seems almost worthwhile. After becoming a student again, at Birkbeck College, I retired once more and began talking to my dog. My wife says we do not have a dog, so I took up writing. Life is a series of bus journeys, where many of the buses you expect don't arrive and you have to catch others.
Activity
I spend much of my time thinking about taking exercise and finding ways of avoiding the garden. My wife keeps telling me there are things to do about the house. I have never understood why, but she seems to think I should be doing them. We do, however, practise division of labour; she cooks and I eat. Life is like following an elephant down a muddy path; you have to be careful where you put your feet.
My Writing
I hope the stories I write will not only make you laugh but also make you think and often discover something you did not know. Life is full of surprises; you never know what is coming until it has passed you by.
Hobbies
I am a news addict. I enjoy watching old films on television. I read (mainly fiction these days) and listen to music. Life is a big fish – I have no idea what this means.
Family Origins
At one time I got interested in compiling a family tree. Then an online family tree builder started sending me details of the fathers-in-law of fourth cousins twice removed. I lost interest. Life is like a winding country road; look out for the hairpin bends.
I am not Observant
I introduced myself to the speaker after a meeting.
“You don’t recognise me?” he said.
“I am sorry,” I said, “I have a very poor memory for faces. Do I know you?”
“Not exactly,” he said, but I have been living opposite you for the last three months.” Life is a walk around a large fish tank full of piranhas. You must be careful not to fall in.
Plans for the Future
To carry on breathing. I am fortunate in having a family who encourage me in this pursuit. Life is a series of journeys: in whichever direction we go, we all end up in the same place.”
The Seven Pillars of Nonsense is a collection of 86 short stories. Touching on a multitude of topics, each tale provides a hilarious insight into the everyday bizarre occurrences of the world we live in. The book is available from Amazon, The Book Guild and all good bookshops.
