Moving Abroad One Step at a Time
What can you tell us about your new book Moving Abroad One Step at a Time?
The book was written with my sister in mind. She was here in 2011 for 18 months when she was 26. She moved abroad (from Brazil to London) to study English, learn a new culture and then go back to Brazil and get a better job.
The book has real stories of lots of friends who moved abroad. They share what really happens when you move alone or with another friend.
The way I wrote the book was as if I was talking to my sister. So it's very personal, very friendly and not telling people what to do. I want to hold their hand and move abroad with them and explain to them that every step of the way, there are practicalities as well as emotions to deal with.
The book shows 5 phases that you go through when you move abroad, which are:
Decision: Why, where and when you are going.
Research: Learn about the new country before you move there.
Move: Fly, move in, flat sharing, culture shock, loneliness, achievement, friends and many other challenges.
Upgrade: You become more selective, you want to 'step up' in life. Better jobs, improve lifestyle, etc.
Direction: Where to go now? Move back to your home country? Stay where you are or move to a new country?
The book explains in details these 5 phases. No matter where you are moving from-to, you will go through these phases.
Please tell us about your experience of moving to London in 2001?
It was not easy. I was a support analyst for Microsoft in Brazil and moved to London when I was 21. I left a nice two bedroom flat where I was sharing with a friend in one of the biggest cities in the world - Sao Paulo.
I moved to London and went straight into a restaurant kitchen. I was a kitchen porter. I was a student and my 'good' English was not good enough. To be able to pay rent, English school, transport, etc., I had also to do silver service and cleaning. I remember in 2001 I was paid £4.50 per hour for my silver service job. It was not easy to start with but I was determined to 'make it' and I was not going to go back just because it was hard. My mother had taught me to clean my flat when I left home (I was 18) so the only difference was that I was cleaning someone else's home and I was being paid for it. I knew it was not going to be forever, I just had to find a way to improve my life.
After one year life got better. I got a job as an English Teacher Assistant in the English school where I was doing my TEFL course. Silver service work in the evening paid for all my trips to Europe. Throughout my first three years in London I had visited 15 countries and over 50 cities already. You just have to learn to budget, save on what you don't need and spend on what you love!
In 2005 I started my first property business - londonup.com which I still have, but no longer run.
What steps did you take to create your website?
Room in the Moon website took quite a long time. The site is still under development but it was born from the need to help people connect when moving or living abroad. It can be very lonely - sometimes you feel so lonely you just cry for no reason!
I want people to connect with others who are going to the same country as well as moving to each other's countries. For example, Mark is English going to Chile and Juan is Chilean going to England, the website suggests for them to become friends so they can exchange information about their countries. Also people with a common destination can become friends so they already have a friend to talk to when they move.
My personal values are community, integrity and excellence, so I want to bring this to my business and really get people connected and help them to live a happier life abroad.
You are a passionate traveller so what is your favourite destination?
Paris. I love the City. You don't need to do anything there. Just walk around, look at the buildings, have coffee in one of the great coffee shops with seating outside, or visit the Paris Plage (the fake beach they put along the river). I love Paris! I proposed to my fiancé during his birthday lunch at the Eiffel Tower.
Of all the people you have met along the way, who has stayed with you the most?
Scottish people. My first partner was Scottish and his mother was the most amazing woman on Earth! She made me feel like her son and I am very fond of Scottish people because of that. I always say that Scottish people are the Latins in the UK!
What is the first tip you give to anyone who wants to move abroad?
Learn to say: please, thank you, you're welcome and excuse me. It shows that you have respect for their language and country so they will respect and like you (even if you don't know anything else in their language). It starts conversations and friendships.
What is the best piece of advice you can provide?
If you are moving abroad for the first time, make sure you learn about the culture. Learn the nice, good, positive things so you have nice things to say when you meet a local. People are proud of their country, nationality and culture and if you tell them what you like about them they will like you immediately and you will have lots to talk about. Normally in bars (after a drink or two), it's the easiest place to talk to strangers. People are at ease and they are more open to talking to strangers. Just be careful, of course.
How can moving affect your emotional state?
My gosh, it does! The first three months are the worst ones. Many people don't go over the three month probation period! If you don't know anyone (or only one person) your whole sense of self start being questioned. Because you feel lonely you start thinking: can I do this? Why am I doing this? What's the point? You feel vulnerable and you end up making friends with a lot of people (who you would not normally if you were in your country).
As well as the loneliness you have to deal with culture shock and you start questioning if what you know is the right way or not. Your mind goes upside down. After a while you realise that you can balance things out. I have learned it myself! I know that there are ways you are expected to behave if you are 'English' but I can play around that because I am Brazilian. When you learn to deal with this 'culture twist', it’s fun and you become more aware of other cultures too.
What is often overlooked when moving?
The most overlooked factor is the language barrier. Misunderstandings happen because you don't know the expressions and the meanings. Learning a new language is not just about grammar and vocabulary, it's about people, expressions, jokes, politics and celebrities. Add all in a blender and you have it!
What is a normal day like in your world?
I wake up around 7:30am. I normally have a smoothie for breakfast (the Brazilian in me!). I also cook my meals for the day. If I am going to have a lot of meetings, I just have lots of chicken chopped or beef sliced very thinly. I watch a lot what I eat. If I am working from home, then I have my six meals a day. I lose weight very easily so I need to eat regularly and healthy to keep me going.
I reply to urgent emails and check my social media channels. Then I walk Innita (my yorkie).
At around 10:00am I am in the gym (I am a fanatic and it helps me to de-stress).
Then work and more emails (I normally receive about 200 emails a day). I spend about 3-4 hours on phone calls or Skype meetings. I drive a scooter to go to meetings or to my office.
I go to Chinese classes every Thursday evening and once a month I go to Hampshire to relax with my in laws.
What is next for you?
I have started writing my second book, focused on helping girls to move abroad. I have not decided on the title. It will be more focused on safe tips for girls who are planning on moving on their own.
I am hoping roominthemoon.com will become a great network website and from there I want to run my charity.
I want to help poor communities who live in areas where there is tourism to be developed.
My projects will help these communities to have access to English courses so they can become tour guides and improve their lives through their work and their community. I think it is very important to help those who do not have the chance to achieve. I think everyone can achieve once they are given the tools, the motivation and the help needed.
Rafael dos Santos is the author of ‘Moving Abroad – One Step At A Time’ (£9.99 Panoma Press) which is available from Amazon.