I appreciate the fact that the BDSM lifestyle is not for everyone. But I think the attraction to Doms in romantic fiction is because to a large extent they represent the ideal of the perfect man.
Catering To His Desires
His main focus is on his submissive. In a healthy power exchange, the Dom’s job is to take care of his submissive. It doesn’t mean that he tells her what to do all the time. It means he has her best interests in mind when he interacts with her. (My focus is male Doms and female submissives, so that is what I’m talking about here.) When they scene, he carefully watches how she reacts to what he does to her and adapts his next move according to her responses. Yes, she has a way to stop everything if he misses certain cues or she just isn’t comfortable with what he is doing, but most good Doms figure out when a submissive isn’t fully onboard with what is happening because they check in often to make sure the submissive is okay.
He would never abuse a woman. A good Dom cherishes the gift his submissive gives him: the ability to be in control of their interaction. With that control comes enormous responsibility; he tries his damndest to protect her from harm. In the BDSM community, this code is so strong that Doms who don’t follow it are usually ostracized.
He is constantly finding new ways to bring her pleasure. Being with a Dom is about pushing boundaries and exploring sexuality in its myriad varieties. Yes, kink takes many forms, not all pleasurable to everyone. But finding the place where Dom and submissive meet and enjoy is one of the most fun parts of the power dynamic. And Doms tend to be open to many more possibilities than the average man, making for many more adventures in sexuality.
He brings us back to the days of chivalry without destroying a woman’s autonomy. I don’t know many women who don’t like it when a man holds open a door for her or walks on the outside of the sidewalk to shelter her from harm. Common courtesies and protective behavior is part of the Dom code of honor. And it makes it nice for a woman, who can have her cake and eat it too—a man who takes care of her and the ability to assert herself when she needs to.
Of course, no one is perfect and Doms are only human. They make mistakes. And so do submissives. Which is what makes it fun to write about them. In my new book Catering to His Desires, it takes a while for the Dom Jake and submissive Mya to figure out how to find common ground. Neither one is ready for a relationship when they meet. But fate takes a hand in helping them find their HEA. I hope you enjoy the journey they take to get there.