Never let your past determine your future. Sounds simple doesn't it? Funny, how it rarely is. When we're young, most of us want to break away and start fresh, see new sights, gain our independence and live our own lives far away from the familiar comforts of home.
Bondage Unlimited
The main characters in my latest book, Bondage Unlimited, do just that. Gio and Eva leave the support of family and friends to go away to college. As so often is the case, though, the baggage they bring with them continues to influence their lives. While it's relatively easy to change your location on a map, it's pretty hard to change your view of the world. Our perceptions are shaped by the events and people in our lives. A simple change in geography can't wipe away eighteen years or more worth of experiences.
Our childhood, be it ideal or not, is the foundation our lives are built on. Some of us have a rock solid support network. Others find stilts are needed to rise above the muck. In either case, when it comes time to set out on our own, we bring a piece of the past with us, whether we want to or not. To think otherwise, is naive and foolhardy. Although the phrase 'self-made-man' is frequently used, I would argue there is no such person. We are all shaped by the people and experiences in our lives.
In Bondage Unlimited, Gio falls hard for Eva, while in college. Though he tries to be the man he thinks she needs, he ultimately fails. Their backgrounds are just too diverse. Instead of talking to her, and building a bridge between the worlds they each came from, he just takes off. His abandonment leaves her confused and full of self-doubt, thus, adding to her already bursting baggage.
Years later, their paths cross again. The passion and chemistry still burn hot between them, but if they can't overcome their past, they will never build a future together.
Like Gio and Eva, at some point in our lives we have to accept what we can't change. We need to learn from our past and move forward. Dwelling on those past challenges only allows your self-doubt and anxiety to grow and eat away at your future.
We've all heard the clichés, 'every cloud has a silver lining' or 'what doesn't kill us only makes us stronger'. While knee-deep in a dreadful situation, it isn't terribly helpful to hear those quotes and it could prove painful to the person brave enough, or silly enough, to spout them. Despite that, they do contain a measure of truth.
Just as Gio and Eva learn, to find our happily-ever-after, we have to meld our past with our future. We need to pillage our past experiences, to take life's lessons and add them to our armory. And while we're at it, we need to bury the deadweight. Once we look at past failures as a learning experience, they no longer have the power to hold us back. Challenges will continue to arise, but they are monumentally easier to overcome when we've garnered what we can from the past and let the rest go. It is then, our baggage transforms from deadweight into a treasure trove of knowledge and experience.