Have you ever found yourself finding excuses as to why you can’t do something or shouldn’t? When the reasoning weighs so heavily on our minds, we don’t take any action and give up on the thing we had once considered doing. This is called self-sabotage and comes in many forms, but there is now a consensus that if we want to live our best lives, then we need to step out of our own way to get things done. Stemming from a lack of confidence or self-belief, if you’re suffering from self-sabotage – Sam Evans, an intuitive Business Coach specialising in emotional intelligence, (www.samevansglobal.com) - believes it’s important to heal your self-sabotaging behaviour for you to live the life you want:

Sam Evans

Sam Evans

Now more than ever, the term self-sabotage is used to describe how much we stand in our own ways, to be able to achieve something.

My question is, if you have become aware of the problem, what is stopping you from finding a solution?

In the simplest terms and with so many different definitions, self-sabotage prevents you from doing what you want and moving forward to pursue your goals and your dreams.

How do you know if you are self-sabotaging?

Do you ever find yourself feeling stuck, resisting change, or having an inability to move forward?

Perhaps you somehow lack clarity or confidence that you can achieve your goals and so you procrastinate, that you fail to achieve what you set out to do.

Perhaps you make excuses or overanalyse, and this leaves you feeling frustrated and annoyed with a deep-rooted feeling and belief that you are just not good enough?

I want you to know, you’re not alone. The main thing to remember is that you can eliminate it, because the answer is within you.

Why do you self-sabotage?

Your behaviour is determined by 95% of your subconscious mind and the beliefs that you carry around with you and hold to be true. From as young as in the womb you begin to unconsciously absorb noises, voices, and emotions, which begin to create your mindset.

From birth to the age of seven, you create your own perception of the outside world to experiences and people that you’re exposed to. Everything you see, hear, and feel, you interpret in the mind, via your values, beliefs, and decisions. This goes on to manifest itself as your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. Your perception becomes your projection or your model of the world.

Self-sabotage happens when we want to make a difference in the present. You feel held back by your past experiences, which cause inner conflicts and represent itself as anxiety or fears and doubts of a future event that has yet to happen.

So how do you think outside the box, if you are stuck in it?

As an intuitive business coach specialising in emotional intelligence, I have come to learn and know that once the past is addressed, you become present with trust and faith. The future can then be embraced by learning a new way of thinking, feeling, and behaving.

Here are some simple steps you can follow to help turn off self-sabotage and turn on self-confidence.


As much as self- love and positive vibrations are good for the soul, none of this will work unless you first accept that you have a problem. Instead of brushing the problem away, recognise what it is, so you can begin the inner healing.


Acceptance is more than just flipping a negative into a positive. It’s about understanding your current model of the world and the good and the not so good too. It’s also about realising that your current situation doesn't define you. It's just a part of your current make up and can help you to evolve and grow.


Letting go is basically trusting in the future, while being in the present moment. It's about reframing your current thought process and helping to reduce any anxiety. This can be done by forgiving the past, letting it go with love, so you can trust yourself in the present.

As soon as you have released any past attachments to negative experiences, and replaced them with empowering positive ones, you will become clearer on what steps you need to take.

Everything you desire is possible, which is why healing the past will allow you to adapt to change effectively. It will also help to increase your levels of emotional intelligence, creating a life lived more in the moment without any limitations. Put simply, you have the power within you.

RELATED: Don’t let self-sabotage stop you from succeeding by Dani Wallace, author of I Am The Queen Bee

Dani shares with Female First how she has broken generational cycles of self-sabotage and living on the breadline, to becoming the creator of her own destiny and leader of a movement that has seen thousands of people all over the world stepping up into their own versions of success. With only £300 saved up, Dani invested it all into launch her coaching business I am Queen Bee after attending a master class with the global business coach, Lisa Johnson – fast forward to now, and Dani counts celebrities like former Atomic Kitten star Natasha Hamilton among her clientele and is set to turn over £100K this business year....