Dating liar 0r not?
It's natural to want to come across as being near perfect early on in a relationship, and particularly on those first few dates. Of course you want to look your best and give him a good impression of the real you but how would you know if he's doing the same and actually lying to you to make you like him better?
Men are more likely to lie about their dating potential and job status, in order to portray themselves as a good catch. If there's an ex, and two kids, how early do you think she'll risk mentioning them? Is it lying if he keeps details like that from you?
Surely just because someone is slightly deceptive during a date doesn’t necessarily make them a ‘bad’ person – we all try to manage others’ impressions of ourselves
Dr Paul Seagar, Senior Lecturer in Social and Forensic Psychology at University of Central Lancashire, and author of 'Would I lie to you? Deception detection in relationships at work and in life', says: "Surely just because someone is slightly deceptive during a date doesn’t necessarily make them a ‘bad’ person – we all try to manage others’ impressions of ourselves."
He identifies some easy ways to detect whether or not you're being lied to:
1. Ask a direct question e.g. ‘Are you interested in a long-term relationship?' and if you get anything less than a direct answer i.e. ‘Yes’ or ‘’No’, then there may be some deception present. If you think your question has taken him by surprise, and he blusters a bit in response initially, ask your question a second (and perhaps a third) time, and if he is still being evasive (e.g. ‘Aren't you getting ahead of things?’ or ‘Do you really think I would lie about something like this?’), then you may be right to doubt his honesty.
2 A good liar knows that eye contact is important and will hold your gaze slightly longer than normal in order to reassure you of their truthfulness. So, just because he gazes lovingly into your eyes and tells you that they love you for who you are and not just because you are rich, does not mean he is being truthful.
3. The best non-verbal cue to look for would be a lack of body movement. If your date for the evening has been quite animated in his movement all night, but suddenly becomes more ‘rigid’ when they tell you that they are single (in response to your question asking them if they have ever been married), then this might indicate that they are not being entirely honest.
4. A better way to detect deception from your date is through the use of ‘verbal’ and ‘vocal’ cues: what he says and the way he says it. For example, if his answer is full of detail, then it is more likely to be the truth; any answer that is general, and without any idiosyncrasies, is more likely to be deceptive in some way. Similarly, any short answer, with a repetition of words throughout, is more likely to be deceptive, compared to a longer answer with a wider use of vocabulary.
5. Try to build up an ‘honest baseline’ of your date’s behaviour. Pay attention to how he acts and speaks when he's relaxed and telling the truth (about things that you can fairly easily verify). You can then compare this with his behaviour when he gives an answer that you're not convince by. If there is a marked difference between the two sets of behaviour, then there is likely to be some sort of deception going on.
Of course, these tips won’t work in all cases as everybody is different. But generally speaking, they offer some good guidelines for telling when someone is trying to pull the wool over your eyes.
Just Go With It was released on Blu-ray and DVD on 30th May and stars Jennifer Anniston and Adam Sandler. A plastic surgeon convinces his loyal assistant to pose as his soon-to-be divorcedwife and mother of his two children in order to cover up a careless lie he told to his new girlfriend on one of their first dates.
Words Amy Grace