The Ex Factor: Leona Lewis still loves her ex – should she get back together with him?

7 December 2012

So Leona Lewis has to put to bed all those rumours that she’s dating Liam Payne, revealing that it isn’t possible for her to be more than good friends with him, as she’s still in love with her ex, Dennis Jaunch.

While simultaneously delighting a lot of young girls and disappointing those fans that would love to see two big X Factor hitters in a relationship, it’s clear that her heart belongs to Dennis. And by making such a public statement about her feelings for him, it can only mean one thing – she wants to get back together with him.

Many of us have been in exactly the same position – finding it impossible to move on because our feelings for an ex are still so strong. But what happens when we date someone the second time around? Let’s say that weeks, months or even years after he dumped you, he realises that he’s made a big mistake and wants to try again? Or you have become aware that the guy that you dumped sometime back really was someone you should have held onto. It was just a case of right guy, wrong time and this time it might just be different.

Well yes, it might. But in truth it probably won’t. There are cases where a genuine mistake has been made, where due to force of circumstance it just didn’t work out but now that your lifestyle is different, it could have every possibility of working. It’s human nature to remember the good times and edit out the bad ones and this rose-coloured spectacle of life may well just let you forget what really broke you up in the first place.

Men rarely change. They grow up for sure, but they don’t end to change fundamentally, however much they believe that they can. If he wants to come back into your life, and you are tempted by the prospect, you need to ask yourself a few harsh questions and give yourself a reality check.

Has he just broken up with someone else? Maybe he’s feeling hurt and wants back into the comfort zone with you, where he’s less likely to be hurt again. Or maybe he’s just missing sex and wants those good times back again.
Have you just broken up with somebody? He could conveniently just slip back into your life and it is always tempting to go back to what you know.
Were your problems connected in any way with abuse – physical or verbal? He’s unlikely to be able to change, however much he begs forgiveness and pleads to return.
Check out his effort factor. Beware the first charming date with your ex. He’s bound to be on his best behaviour and out to impress. Within a few weeks however, this courtesy and charm could have worn off.
Make sure that this is not a mercy mission. If either one of you is returning because you feel sorry for the other, it will never work.

The only way that dating an ex is going to work second time around is to talk through, identify and address your problems before you get back together. If circumstances, for either one of you, have genuinely changed, or you really believe that you can trust him again and he’s determined to put in the hard work necessary to get it back on track, then it might be worth a try. But before you start planning the wedding guest list give it a trial run for a few weeks. You will need to accept that this time the relationship will be different and not expect everything to fall neatly back into place. You will both need to be strong, determined and forgiving.