Some couples avoid the bedroom
Britain’s oldest virgin celebrated her 105th Birthday last October, saying that she had always been “too busy” to have sex, according to The Sun newspaper.
Clara Meadmore claimed that she has never been interested in sex, and implied that it wasn’t religious reasons, or lack of offers, which contributed to her decision.
Miss Meadmore grew up in the 1920s, when having sex before marriage was highly uncommon, but an increasing trend of women in today’s society are also refraining from having sex for personal reasons.
With this is in mind, FemaleFirst examines the factors that influence people’s decisions to avoid sex.
Sexual abstinence is widely regarded as being an act practised simply to prevent unplanned pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases, but many people choose to refrain from sex for more personal, psychological reasons.
“Sex makes everything more complicated. Even not having it, because the not having it makes it complicated”
Abstinence refers to the conscious decision to avoid any form of sexual activity, even those which can not result in pregnancy, which suggests that some people have deeper concerns about sex.
The Planned Parenthood website suggests that some people refrain from sex to “get over a breakup, or to heal from the death of a partner”. In this sense, abstinence is a temporary solution to a problem, rather than a permanent lifestyle choice.
Also, the issue of sexual abuse can be a prominent factor in a person’s reluctance to have sex with a partner.
The ModernGhana website says: “Sexual abuse creates a distorted view of sexual behavior, which destroys boundaries and drives a deep sense of worthlessness into the emotions”.
This suggests that people who have experienced sexual abuse may be emotionally incapable of establishing a healthy sexual relationship in the future, and may choose to abstain from having sex in an attempt to overcome such difficulties.
On a more long-term note, the Planned Parenthood website suggests that some people refrain from sex to “support personal, moral, or religious beliefs and values”, which can involve waiting until after marriage before having sex.
“Positive attitudes towards sexual abstinence before marriage reflect traditional Christian morality” according to a study by T. Winter, S. Karvonen and R.J Rose, from the Department of Public Health, the National Research and Development Centre for Welfare and Health and the Department of Psychology, respectively.
If people are avoiding sexual activity for religious reasons, this in itself could arguably be a form a pressure to adhere to certain norms, and people may find it difficult to relate to such principles.
Epigee Women’s Health website says: “Sexual abstinence can be a hard thing to practice. Young people especially find the drive of hormones and curiosity difficult to overcome, and there are many pressures in society that make it difficult to save sex.
“But people are able to control their sexual urges and evaluate their decisions”.
Even when people are in a stable relationship, some still don’t feel the need to get physical to show their commitment, and some simply don’t have a very high sex drive.
Epigee Women’s Health continues: “Refraining from sexual activity doesn't mean that you aren't interested in expressing affection for your loved one. To the contrary, abstinence can open up opportunities to developing meaningful communication with your partner”.
Relationship councilors often advise couples to abstain from sex when they are having communication problems, as this encourages people to discuss their emotional issues without using sex as a distraction.
Alternatively, people sometimes use sex as a validation technique, to boost their confidence and make them feel more worthwhile, which isn’t a sensible approach as such sexual encounters are usually short-lived and leave people feeling even more lonely than before.
Clearly, the matter is of personal choice, but that doesn’t make it any easier for some people to relate to.
As Cameron Diaz said in The Holiday: “Sex makes everything more complicated. Even not having it, because the not having it makes it complicated”.
To which Jude Law replied: “That's why it's better to have it... some say”.
And they did.
By Kay Taylor