Judi James, Invisalign ambassador and body language expert shares her top tips for first date etiquette and online dating profile protocol.
Relationships on Female First
Why is a smile so important on a dating profile picture?
The sole intention of an online dating profile picture is to catch the eye and attract the person looking. A smile is vital for drawing attention as it is a tie-sign, a positive and active non-verbal signal, that will bring about positive reactions in the other person. It makes the facial features look softer and more attractive and because it is an ‘echo’ gesture, it will make the person looking at the picture feel like smiling too, which is a great first step to a potential date when you haven’t spoken or met before!
Why are one to one dating situations both exciting and daunting?
The idea of possibility is always exciting, knowing that this one small meeting might change our lives forever. But of course it is also daunting because we feel we are constantly being analysed and judged. The trick is not to let the date turn into a job interview. Avoid firing your date with constant questions and try to ease the atmosphere if it’s you that’s in the firing line. Keep the conversational tone light and friendly, with subtle nods of approval and understanding smiles.
Why is eye contact so important on a first date?
Of all the parts of the body, the eyes give away the biggest emotional signal, so when we avoid eye contact on a date for whatever reason (it could just be shyness) we look as though we are trying to hide our feelings rather than being open and honest.
By looking away we can appear bored or impatient. Genuine interest and attraction is signalled by pupil dilation, which is one of the reasons why lovers spend so long gazing into one another’s eyes. Too much eye contact on a first date can look creepy though, so keep it natural rather than ogling!
Why should you plan your small talk in advance of a date?
One of the worst things that can happen on a date are awkward silences and stilted conversations, a commonality if you or your date are particularly shy or nervous. I always suggest planning a few topics of conversation ahead of a first date, to fill the gaps and avoid those ‘tumbleweed’ moments.
How can not listening be off putting for your date?
Active listening is really important on a date. This is the art of sending out body language signals that show positive messages, as well as showing interest in your date through eye contact and reassuring gestures i.e. nodding of the head in agreement.
Too many people blow it on a first date by over-performing, i.e. talking too much and bringing the conversation around to themselves all the time. Good listening signals suggest genuine interest in your date. Looking distracted will be a huge turn-off, especially if you are fiddling with your phone or reading and sending texts!
What signals are key to communicating that you are flirting with someone - how will the other person know?
If you’re keen to flirt it is better to use subtle signals that your date will ‘feel’ rather than a series of gestures that they might read like semaphore! All the hair touching, leg-rubbing and lip-licking etc. belong in a 1950s movie – it’s best to leave them there.
To really get your message across, perfect your smile and display subtle signs of approval. The perfect smile is when the eye expression changes first - a half-moon shape is created with the eyes, crinkling in the corner and creating rounded, apple shaped cheeks. There should be a subtle display of top teeth and an even subtler display of bottom teeth, creating a symmetrical smile so it is even across the face. Practice this in front of the mirror before your date to make sure you know how it feels so you can perform it with confidence during your evening.
Why is being yourself so important on a first date?
It’s vital that you don’t try to be someone else on your date, as this will have repercussions if the date is then taken to the next level of the relationship. Changing your accent to impress or using an over-confident display to mask shyness is a prime example of ‘over-acting.’ Try to relax and be natural, rather than force conversations, as this will make both yourself and your date feel uncomfortable and may lead to an awkward ending!
For more information on Invisalign and to find a practitioner near you visit: www.invisalign.co.uk
tagged in dating Body Language Flirting First Date