Zoosk Romantic Journey Clinic
Last week we brought you the Zoosk Romantic Journey Clinic, a chance for you to get relationship advice from romance expert Jo Hemmings. We had loads a questions for Jo, and now she's provided her expert opinion to help all who needed her advice.
JoAnna 20th Jun 2012 10:45
How do you get over a break up? It's been 8 months and I still feel awful. I'm not interested in anyone.
Hi Joanna
It can take much longer than we expect to get over a break up and once the initial shock has worn off the sadness can linger for many months, even years, if we don’t do something about it. Take it slowly for now. Get socialising with your friends and do some of those things you enjoyed when you were single. Don’t feel pressure to meet someone else quite yet but do pick on strands of your life and those all important and supportive friends and family. It will help speed things up a little and one day you’ll just find that the sense of despair isn’t quite so awful as it once was.
Jo x
Sarah Lewis 20th Jun 2012 16:05
Hi Jo. Romance that is an interesting one! I actually really need some help and advice on this. How can I make my boyfriend more romantic? We have lived together for 6 months and the Romance is now non-existent. I am not expecting a full house of rose petals every night but just a few little things every month. What can I do? Should I chat to him?
Hi Sarah
Romance in a relationship is always important and unfortunately, as you’re now finding, once the initial effort has worn off, men can become a bit complacent and ‘forgetful’ about the whole thing! Especially when you’re living together.
Men often see romance as both an initial gesture in the early days and something that has little place further down the line, whereas women thrive on it. Try a combination of both telling him those romantic gestures that make you feel loved, reassured and desired as well as continuing to make romantic gestures to him. You might not see an instantaneous change, but he will understand more that romance still matters to you and keeps your relationship fresh and exciting.
Jo x
Susan 25th Jun 2012 13:43
Hi Jo, I've been in my relationship 22 years now. How do I get that spark back? We've just become so accustomed to each other.
Hi Susan
This is one of those romantic issues that comes up time and time again. Many of us simply get out of the habit of being romantic in a long-term relationship, especially when the practicalities of life can take up so much time. It’s important to make quality time for yourselves and to gently reconnect with that intimacy and connection you had in the early days.
Try a regular and planned date night, where just the two of you go out together, doing something that you both enjoy. What about a meal out, a trip to the movies or a concert? It works well to keep the spark alive for a lot of high-profile couples – who don’t get much time together – including the Obamas and Gary Barlow and his wife.
Jo x
Neave 25th Jun 2012 13:45
I always feel super uncomfortable around my boyfriend's parents, how can I change this and get them to see my real personality?
Hi Neave
Somehow, you have got into a habit with your boyfriend’s parents of not letting them see the real you – perhaps you were trying to impress them in the early days? Now it feels uncomfortable because it’s an image that you feel you have to maintain, but isn’t showing your true personality.
They may well feel uncomfortable too, knowing that you’re finding it difficult to reveal your true personality. Try chatting to or having a little time with your boyfriend’s mum on her own, rather than always seeing them as a couple. It will help you get to know her a bit more, which in turn will help you reveal more of your true self and hopefully you’ll find yourself more relaxed in their company in no time!
Jo x
Sinead 25th Jun 2012 13:46
What things can I do to add a little romance each day? And how can I encourage him to act the same?
Hi Sinead
I wish all couples would realise the importance of small, regular romantic moments – rather than lavish or expensive gestures saved for special occasions only. And men often feel that there’s no point in being romantic, once you’re in a fully-fledged relationship. But it shows love, commitment and togetherness.
Try some of these simple gestures and encourage your partner to do the same:
· Run him a relaxing bath after a tough day at work
· Bring him breakfast in bed
· Make a compilation of his favourite music
· Remind him what an amazing person he is and how lucky you are to have him in your life
· Send him a romantic text or pop a loving Post-It somewhere he’ll see it
· Watch a romantic movie together, snuggled on the sofa and switch your phones off!
· Hold hands when you’re out together
Jo x
Keeley 27th Jun 2012 09:20
My boyfriend recently lost his mum, but he doesn't really talk about it. Should I encourage him to, or just wait till he does? Thanks for your help.
Hi Keeley
This is always a difficult one, as he may just feel too sad or traumatized to want to discuss it and while you want to reassure and support him, you obviously don’t want to make him upset. I think you should simply reassure him by saying that any time he wants to talk about it, you’ll be there to listen and understand and then let him decide when he feels like discussing his loss.
Jo x
Jenny 27th Jun 2012 12:25
I've been friends with this guy for 8 years now, we've got a big group of friends that we all hang out with. How do I change this into something more? I know he feels the same and it's not each other we're worried about affecting, it's our friends' relationships with us. Any advice on this would be great.
Hi Jenny
If you’re sure that this guy feels the same way as you, then I think you both owe it to yourselves to give the relationship a go, whatever your friends might think. And to be honest, I bet most of them know that you have feelings for each other and have probably been expecting it to develop into something more romantic for a while now!
Jo x
Charley-Ann 27th Jun 2012 12:38
I've been in my relationship since I was 17, it's the only boyfriend I've ever had, I'm 22 now. I love him, but do wonder whether I've experienced life. I'm scared if I let go it will be the biggest mistake of my life. Help!
Hi Charley-Ann
I do understand your concerns and it’s a common problem when you’re still with your first love! Have you talked to him about this? He may be feeling the same way. What’s important is that you share your concerns, in a gentle and supportive way, and talk about how you might experience a bit more life as a couple – traveling together or making sure that you do still do some things independently, rather than always doing everything as a twosome.
Jo x
Tara 27th Jun 2012 12:40
I'm not very big on public displays of affection, but my boyfriend likes to do little things like hold hands, how can I get over this fear and embarrassment? This is a great idea by the way!!
Hi Tara
Glad you like the romantic clinic! I know how some people don’t especially like PDA’s and I appreciate that couples being very touchy feely in public can make us all feel uncomfortable. But holding hands? That’s such a gentle form of affection and it’s always acceptable and rather tender to see, at any age, so I don’t think you have any reason to be fearful or embarrassed. Just enjoy your lovely, affectionate boyfriend!
Jo x
Jo Hemmings is a Behavioural Psychologist, Dating, Relationship coach and TV and radio personality.With degrees from the Universities of Warwick and London, Jo is the UK’s best known and respected Celebrity Psychologist and was the UK’s first Dating Coach.
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