Like many couples you’ve reached that pivotal decision in your relationship, to co-habit or not to co-habit. Living together might seem like an easy step, but are you ready to sign on the dotted line?
Relationships on Female First
In the UK one in six couples now live together without marrying, meaning that co-habiting is increasingly for life, not just a six month contract. Although money might be a factor for making the decision to move in, it should be about more than that, says relationship expert and author of Himglish and Femalese, Jean Edelstein; “a couple should move in together because it feels like the natural next step in their relationship -an indication of commitment. Moving in together because it's convenient or cheaper should be a bonus, not the central motivation.”
If you’re still in the honeymoon faze of your relationship, where even the sight of his abandoned dirty socks doesn’t irritate you, then it’s probably wise to wait a while before making the leap.
Given that the most common arguments to arise between couples revolves around housework, having a clear view point beforehand is vital, says Edelstein; “the main reasons that couples who co-habit fall out are differing expectations about what it means to co-habit. From who's taking responsibility for the cleaning to how much time you're actually going to spend together. That's why communication is absolutely crucial, talking about your needs and wants with your co-habiting partner before they become grounds for conflict, i.e. if it’s important to you that the bathroom gets cleaned twice a week, make that clear when you move in together, not when you’ve been getting quietly angry about it for three months.”
It’s also important to acknowledge that your partner will probably need some time to himself, as no doubt will you. Just like women need time to wax, do our nails and relax with a cup of tea and a magazine, men need time to sit in their pants, drink beer and play on computer games. Getting used to each other’s habits is also key reveals Edelstein; “It's amazing how cohabiting can reveal things about a partner you think you know really well, so try and get as much info out in the open up front, and explicitly.”
Sharing your life and your space with another person can always be tricky, whether it’s family, friends or a partner but if you enter into it openly, making it work shouldn’t be difficult. Edelstein’s top tips for living together successfully are to make your expectations clear; “from what moving in together means to you- a serious commitment, a test of your relationship, a way to save rent- to what you consider to be a 'clean' house, to how you are going to cover the bills."
"Second, make sure you enjoy it , co-habiting can take the romance out of things a bit when you see each other every day and have to deal with paying rent or a mortgage, fixing the boiler, taking the rubbish out, etc. So even though you see far more of each other, make sure you still schedule in time outside of the house to spend time enjoying each other's company and remembering why you lived together in the first place.”