Linda Nolan tried to kill herself when she was first diagnosed with cancer.
Linda Nolan
The 58-year-old singer has admitted she contemplated ending her own life when she was battling breast cancer for five years from 2006 because, while she was undergoing treatment, her husband Brian Hudson died in 2007 and she didn't think she could go on without him and just wanted to be reunited with him in heaven.
Speaking on 'Loose Women' on Monday (11.09.17), she said: "It's kind of ironic that seven years ago, there was a time when I was suicidal, and wanted to die, and wanted to be with Brian and did consider taking my own life.
"Thankfully I got help. There is something else after grief and depression."
Linda sadly found out earlier this year that she has cancer again, it's spread and is incurable this time but, rather than consider suicide again, she's "scared of dying."
She said: "I think it's at night it hits you mostly, really, for me. My husband isn't here. So those times in the night I wake up, the first time around, he'd put his arms around me and say, 'It's going to be OK' and you'd think, it will be OK because he's here.
"I do have great support but I still wake up in the night and he's not there and it's a double blow. I do miss that one person that you can be 100 per cent raw with, if you like ... his time I'm scared of dying."
And, although she's terrified of losing her battle with the disease, the singer has decided not to do anymore chemotherapy unless doctors can guarantee that it'll allow her to live longer than six months and she wants to die in a hospice.
She explained: "I've decided when it comes to the end of my life I would want to be in a hospice. If it spread and they said we can give you chemotherapy to give you another six months of life, I've also spoken about that and said I won't have it if it's just for another six months of life. I would rather have another three months and not have to go through the side effects and everything of chemo. Again, because Brian isn't here, I don't want my brothers and sisters to have to become my carers. I just want them to come and spend happy times with me at the end of my days."
Tagged in Linda Nolan