Vicky Pattison has felt "like a scared little girl" amid her struggles to conceive.
Vicky Pattison
The 31-year-old TV star has taken to Instagram to reveal her personal anguish over her struggles to have a baby following years of partying.
After a recent visit to a fertility clinic, Vicky - who appeared on 'Geordie Shore' from 2011 until 2014 - wrote: "I am usually quite a strong, together woman- but on that morning I felt like a scared little girl. Tormented by the possibility that my childish decisions over the years may have stopped me from being able to have a baby.
"Until recently motherhood has not been something that I considered- it wasn't a role I wanted to play. But since turning 30 & almost getting married- since feeling like I was maturing as a person the desire to become a mother is something that has grown inside me & even though my circumstances changed- I couldn't turn off that feeling. Something has awoken inside of me & it's impossible to ignore. (sic)"
The brunette beauty subsequently expressed regret over the lifestyle she lived during her younger years.
Vicky said: "Since getting my results I have endeavoured to live a healthier lifestyle, sure I still like a drink here & there- I'm not completely turning my back on gin- but this experience was a wake up call. If I want to have children I need to start looking after myself so I've been trying to sleep better (unsuccessfully so far but I'm working on it) eat well & be more active (sic)."
However, Vicky also insisted that, from now on, she wouldn't dwell on her past mistakes.
She explained: "I don't know for definite if motherhood is in my stars- I'd like it to be but we'll just have to see- but what I do know is that beating myself up over my past won't help me conceive- so I am going to stop & take control of my present & project positivity for my future. (sic)"
Tagged in Vicky Pattison