I’ve lost count of the number of times I've clammed up at the thought of speaking to someone, but written storytelling is something I pride myself on. Initially, I just put it down to social anxiety, but I struggle even with my closest friends sometimes. Engaging in conversations about even my dearest passions can often die a very awkward death as I struggle for the word. So, I decided to explore the science of it. As it turns out, we introverts often experience this inequity regarding expression.
We think in visuals, not words
Recent Harvard studies found that there are reasons for being tongue-tied such as ‘pregnancy brain’ and fatigue. Still, fundamentally, it’s because our species have always preferred visual to verbal thinking.
However, processing out loud is much more dominant in extroverts, who are advanced to excel through social engagements. Language is a more ‘recent’ development for humans vs mere grunts that began just 100,000 years ago.
Studies for The Introvert Advantage found that extroverts’ brain pathways flow more fluently to verbal nodes, and vice versa for introverts.
So, chances are, extrovert brains are simply better at translating their ideas in real-time.
Buy yourself some time by saying, “I need a few moments to think about that.” Tell someone that you’ll get back to them later — via text or email if all else fails. I’m the go-to meeting-minutes taker in team meetings, so I would pepper in thoughts that I had at the time but needed more headspace to develop in the debrief email for the team.
We’re the ones with a ‘this could’ve been an email’ mug raised to the fifth virtual call of the day.
It’s why introverts dominate literary spaces, we reflect, and then we craft in a much deeper way than most extroverts, and we thrive on quiet.
For introverts, ‘working memory’ doesn’t always work as well
According to Jenn Granneman’s book The Secret Lives of Introverts, our word problem is connected mainly to long term memory: information stored in there – so often the interest we’ve studied for the longest – is outside of our conscious awareness, making it harder access.
Contrast this with your ‘working memory’, lasting no more than a few minutes, and your conversational content for your morning meeting becomes what you had for breakfast – anything else is more effort. It’s why extroverts are vastly better at small talk too.
I need to write this down before I forget it…
The chances are, as an introvert, you’ve been labelled ‘shy’, ‘quiet’, ‘observant’ and prompted to contribute more in group settings. I’ve seen my quiet observations mistranslate as disinterest or awkwardness because society values fast and frequent talkers, so I know how frustrating it can be to have a chasm of knowledge and the struggle to display it verbally – and not be ‘too intense’ when I do.
Dr Marti Olsen Laney found introverts favour long-term memory over working memory. Our ‘keys’ to unlocking deeply embedded memories are often a little rogue – such as smell and other random sensory triggers, making our processing times slower and trickier than our working memory-based, extroverted peers.
Social interactions drain the introvert battery
It can be challenging for introspective introverts in a world that favours extroverted interactions. Feeling uncomfortable in loud, busy social settings is a common denominator among introverts.
You may suggest going out with friends at happy hour rather than when the entire town floods into the pub.
It often takes a massive rush of adrenaline to get me over the threshold to meetings, which causes burnout when you rely on spikes and crashes.
After a long period of networking, we can be desperate to decompress in the quiet or with one solid sound, such as headphones on the way home: sensory overload causes stress, which produces the hormone cortisol. You’ll feel a lagging, and that’s your queue to bow out before the introvert hangover the next day.
The mental drain that excess cortisol creates contributes to poor memory and concentration levels, making it harder to speak.
In conclusion...
Introverts, don’t feel alienated by the loud, free-flowing small talkers in the room. They’re wired differently! Practising small talk does make it easier and will ultimately lead to the deeper conversations you may be seeking.
Taking a moment to help others learn about how you work in a team dynamic can help them let you contribute effectively – like my earlier example of taking responsibility for notetaking in meetings so that you can absorb and, later, add to the project progression.
Written by Sophie Crabtree, who you can follow on Twitter, @CrabSophie.
RELATED: Pink struggles to relate to her 'introverted' daughter
Tagged in Health