The peak age for tantrums is two to three, but they can happen earlier. Many children continue to have the occasional tantrum until they're four or five or even older, but by this age it's easier to reason with your child and talk things through.
These outbursts are often called temper tantrums, because of the obvious link with angry feelings that are out of control. But there are a number of other strong emotions your child could be feeling as well.
Frustration - at not being capable of doing something yet (such as tying her shoelaces) or not being able to make others understand what she wants.
The desire for independence - simple things such as strapping your child into her car seat can seem like a deliberate move to thwart her independence.
Being refused something - you may have said no to an ice cream, for example, or another child may not want to share a swing or toy.
Wanting attention - small children love to be the centre of attention, even for negative reasons, so if you've given a lot of attention to previous tantrums, your toddler may try the same again.
Boiling over - there are some days when you just know your child is heading for a tantrum. It can almost feel like they're determined to have one. Your child may be emotionally overloaded by her angry feelings and a tantrum seems inevitable as a result.
With some forward thinking it's possible to cut down tantrums or make then less overwhelming.
Set a good example - if they see you flying into a rage at the slightest provocation, it will be much harder for them to learn to control their own strong feelings.
Give plenty of praise - encourage good behaviour by praising it. Avoid troublespots - if you know there are situations in which tantrums are likely to occur, such as going to the supermarket, keep away from them as much as possible.
Look for signs - most children give plenty of warning that they're getting cross, so always be ready to step in and divert their attention elsewhere.
Offer control and choices - it's irritating for children to feel they don't have a say or can't make decisions, so provide choices whenever possible. For example, ask them what clothes they want to wear or what they want for lunch.
If the above suggestions don't work and a tantrum kicks off, these tips can help soothe your child.
Keep calm - it really makes a difference.
Divert her attention - it's sometimes possible to distract a toddler before the tantrum really gets started. Pretend something really interesting is happening out the window.
Ignore the behaviour - sometimes, walking away and pretending to take no notice of a tantrum can cool things down. But once a tantrum's in full flow this is unlikely to work.
Hold your child close - and talk quietly and calmly to her.
Occasionally, however, this can make matters worse.
Take time out - if you feel that you're about to lose your temper too, remove your child from the situation and put her somewhere safe where you can leave her (although for no longer that two minutes).
This should only be used on children over 18 months old.
Once a tantrum blows over, don't go on about it. Cuddle and make up.
The worst and most embarrassing tantrums are those that take place in public, often the supermarket. If you know your child doesn't enjoy shopping, try to arrange these outings without your child in tow. If this is unavoidable, try to make it easier on you both by thinking about the following:
Keep trips as short as possible - be organised about exactly what you need to buy and stick to it.
Use distraction - take a toy for your child to play with or a book for her to browse. It can also help to have a drink and snack handy. Let your child help - ask your child to get cereal, teabags, bin liners and other (light, non-breakable) items within her reach.
Let her put the items in the trolley or on the checkout, too.
If a tantrum does threaten, remain calm and talk quietly to your child, explaining that the behaviour isn't acceptable.
You may find you have to leave the shop and go back later, even if this means you leaving your shopping behind.