I was recently asked what I did that made men want me so much. Everyone assumes the men I date are doing it purely for the sex, but I can't stress enough that it is far more than that. To be frank, men, if they looked hard enough, could find some meaningless sex anywhere on the internet or in a night club. They could even pay for it if they needed it that badly. But what I offer them is far more than sex, far more than a simple 'F buddy' arrangement, and far more than they are getting at home.
Sex on Female First
I was also asked, by the same person, what made me so different from the wife, what was it that kept the man interested in me, and kept them coming back, some of them for years. I thought about it and decided to share the answer with everyone. So those in long term relationships could add something to the mix, those who are thinking of becoming a mistress could see how it’s done, and those who are single could know what men really want.
I totally understand that I get him on his best behaviour, and of course I don't have to pick up his pants, smell his bodily functions, and listen to him moaning about everything. I also don't have to be run ragged looking after the kids or keeping the house clean. I never assume the man is perfect when he gets back home, I'm certain he isn't, but maybe that's why I like doing what I do.
Kissing passionately - The kissing tends to diminish the longer you are together, so you should try to do it more, and with more passion behind it. Lips are 100 times more sensitive than fingertips, and kissing releases sex hormones - endorphins, dopamine and phenylethylamine (the chemical found in chocolate). They trigger a rush of pleasure making us feel a powerful emotional connection. No kiss is just a kiss, it can start feelings that have been lying dormant for a while and with the right person, the right kiss can sometimes be better than sex. We should all be kissing more!
Smelling good - Always make sure you smell divine. Freshly clean of course, but a musky, pheromone filled perfume can drive him wild. I've heard so many times about wives who smell of cooking or baby sick and only smell good when they are going out somewhere special. Perfumes have a short shelf life, so don't keep them for 'best'! Today is best! Use your perfume up, we all have gallons of it sitting in our cupboards so let’s start using it more often. Even if it’s just an Impulse body spray, he will appreciate it far more than you can imagine, and it will also encourage him to buy more for you too!
Eye contact – It’s a well-known fact that married men hardly ever get to stare longingly into the eyes of their wife, but sitting across a dinner table, or sitting together on a sofa, without any distractions or noise, means you have more time for each other and more time to look into each other’s eyes. They are the window to the soul and an underused asset. We all have beautiful eyes, especially if they are focused on the person you care about, showing interest in what they have to say and twinkling with passion thinking about what could be coming later. Men are flattered by eye contact, something most are sadly lacking at home.
Telling tales - So many couples end up talking about daily events, the gas bill, the children, the neighbours gossip, what happened at work, even what is happening on some banal TV programme such as I'm a Celebrity or X Factor. By doing this you learn nothing about each other. I totally understand that when you have been together for many years you may well have heard all the 'stories' there are to tell, but can you honestly say you know absolutely 'everything' about your partner? I suppose I experience the best part of getting to know someone, when all the tales are new, and all the jokes are still funny, but I make a conscious effort to ask a lot about someone, about his beliefs, his past, his hopes and dreams, his pet hates, getting a detailed insight into what makes him tick, and more importantly what makes him happy. I also have the ability to talk, and tell interesting, funny tales of my own, giving him time to relax, laugh and be entertained. I understand that reality means we can't always do this, but showing you are interested, asking questions and having plenty of fun things to say show that he is important, and you believe he is worth the effort.
Texts - Text messages have been the greatest invention since the wheel. Flirty texts have taken over as the new foreplay and should be used as such, often. It is great fun setting the scene for later. Not only does he know he's on to a sure thing, he also gets to say what he wants, without feeling self-conscious actually voicing it on the phone or in person. He can hide behind the brief text, knowing that nothing will offend. It can all be discussed before you even see each other, saying what you both want to do, even small details such as him choosing the outfit he wants to see later. I love to play this game. The anticipation when the time finally arrives is breath-taking and you both know you will get exactly what you want because it’s all been discussed beforehand.
Don't get too cosy – It’s so easy to settle in front of the TV with your favourite programme or a DVD, but then you can't focus any attention on him, and he is neglecting your needs too. Turn the TV off every now and then. We all find it too easy to stare at the box of lights in the corner of the room rather than talking, kissing or simply holding each other close. If you're sick of talking, or you're having a rest between sex, take time out for a massage or invest in some saucy games, or even play cards or scrabble. Strip poker or strip Scrabble are my favourites.
Watch more together - Despite what I have just said about turning the TV off, sometimes it is better to turn it on. Invest in some porn films, or log on to the Internet and search for porn together, talking about what turns you on, what you would love to try together sometime, and which films are your favourites. It is a great pastime sharing porn together, and I have been shocked to hear how many men have never done anything of the sort with their partners.
Mix it up - Talk in bed and make love everywhere else. A serious relationship usually leads to making love in bed, the routine soon becoming a rut, on the same day, at the same time, in the same place. The guys I meet have never done anything outside the bedroom, that's why it's great fun using every other room of the house and of course taking the fun outside. Be adventurous with your positions and places, and avoid the routine, he will love you for it. Also for a great emotional connection, and confirming my theory about eye contact, lie face to face in bed and have a conversation, talk about intimate things, keep your eyes fixed on his (not in a creepy way) and keep the lights on. Soon enough you'll be kissing and who knows where that can lead.
So there we have it. Hints and tips for keeping your man interested, and feeling wanted. If you make him feel special then he'll go out of his way to make you feel special.
Karen uses dating site illicitencounters.com