Take Some Lessons In Love
Online matchmaker eHarmony.co.uk has set out to give the nation some lessons in love and teach us how to appreciate our partners.
Head of Research, Dr Gian Gonzaga has helped us put together some great tips on how to revise your love for your partner and keep your relationship on top form.
Do Your Homework
It was important at school and it’s even more important in a relationship. Keeping up to date with special occasions and knowing what’s coming up when is always a bright idea.
Dr Gian says, “Do you remember all those special occasions; birthdays, anniversaries, first dates etc? Swat up on these important dates and prepare for each occasion, it will make all the difference to your spouse.”
Enjoy Playtime
The stresses of life, work and children often mean it can be difficult to see as much of your loved one as you like. Make time exclusively for each other where children are off limits so you can remember why you love one another.
Dr Gian says, “If you have children, it can be hard to spend quality time alone with your partner. Finding a babysitter once a week or even once a month will allow you to go on a date and help you re-connect with your loved one.
“Whether it’s a daytime date or an evening to yourselves, ‘alone time’ is very important. All work and no play makes for a pretty boring life. Revert back in years and try sleeping in, staying out late, being a little selfish and going on an adventure to dislodge yourself from your rut.”
Fight and Make Friends
It’s not only kids that have scuffles in, adults do to but it’s important to remember to never leave an argument up in the air.
Dr Gian says, “Forgiveness does not mean you like everything your partner may do – it means you understand they are not perfect all the time, and your job is to love who they are, not who you want them to be.
“When you practice forgiveness you will have less anger, be able to appreciate your partner’s good points, accept them as they are, and ultimately have a long-lasting and healthy relationship, annoying qualities and all. Kiss and make up.
“In adult relationships, conflict is normal and can be healthy if something good comes of it. It gives you the chance to show your partner that you understand and care for them, even if the two of you disagree. Management of conflict can turn out to be a step raising you to a higher and higher level of intimacy when you manage the conflict well.”
Stop Talking and Contribute
When at school, there were many times a teacher told you to shut up and listen and then times when they wanted you to speak up and relationships are no different. There are times when you need to listen to you partner and others where you have to do the talking.
Dr Gian says, “Some people consider themselves skilled communicators because they can talk nonstop. But the ability to speak is only one part of the equation—and not the most important part. Communication requires talking and listening, and most people find it easier to do the first than the second. Great communicators are first and foremost great listeners.
“Even listening is only part of the equation. You must show your partner that you understand what they are telling you and how it affects your lives together. So listen to your partner, really listen and put yourself in their shoes, the better you understand your spouse, the better your relationship will be.”
Say ‘I Love You’
If you’re a parent you’ll know that every day when your child walks out the door you’ll throw them a quick ‘I love you’ and we all know that when our parents did it to us, we ran off without so much as a goodbye but it’s important to let your loved ones know that you do love them.
Dr Gian says, “It may sound simple and obvious to some, but couples don’t say these three words as often as their partner would like. Replacing the words ‘thank you’ with ‘I love you’ signal how much you care, how committed you are and will remind your partner how you feel. And that should bring you closer together.”
Cara Mason @FemaleFirst_UK