Confidence is defined as “the feeling or belief that one can have faith in or rely on someone or something or even yourself”. You don’t need proof why you believe, you just need to believe it. For instance, why does a 33-year-old, stand-up comedian, with a mediocre education get to wax poetic about confidence? So here we are.
I’m lucky to have always possessed a confidence streak. One day my mother was having a day where she didn’t like her face. She was staring critically at her own reflection in the bathroom mirror. I joined her and said, “Mother, I do this every day and you should do it too! You look in the mirror and say, 'Look at this face. Look at this face! FLAWLESS!'"
I was 12 years old. I know it sounds utterly ridiculous and it is. My family and I still laugh about it. Maybe that’s why all these years later I still do it and I still find it works. You can settle for a more serious affirmation such as, “I am beautiful. I am comfortable in my own skin. I have worth.” But that’s so boring. I say, if you’re going to talk to yourself in the mirror like a goofus you might as well make yourself giggle a bit.
Most people in the performing arts are confident, even if all they do is talk about how they aren’t. They’re on stage telling 400 people they aren’t confident with confidence. And in times of career setbacks we shake are fist at the sky and say, “I’ll show them. I. Am. FABULOUS!”
When I do have my wobbles and yes, they still happen, there are three things I remember to that help me maintain my confidence.
Here they are:
1. Say what you want
Just. Say. It. Don’t do that thing that thing people do when they say “Excuse me... I was just thinking out loud... and I don’t want to be a bother, but if it’s not too much trouble...”. Just say what you want.
I guarantee if you take the initiative and are kind and direct, people will more likely help you than if you beat around the bush. The worst thing that could happen is someone says no and you’re in the exact same place you were before.
2. Know your worth
Whenever you have a chance to do something new or big in your career, remember you did something to get there. Maybe you’re incredibly accomplished in your field, or your education is remarkable. Remind yourself of those things before you go into this new opportunity. You get to be there because you DESERVE to be there.
3. Love the body you're in
I know this sounds like an Instagram post, but it’s important. Even if you want to change something about your body. Maybe you want to be able to run three miles without stopping, lift weights, or touch your toes. I promise it’s a lot easier if you start from a place of acceptance and positivity. There are few people who can hate exercise themselves into the “perfect body” and if you start with a negative attitude, I promise you that nothing you do will ever be enough.
Instead, celebrate what your body can do now. Be happy you can run 100 yards and walk the rest. Before you know it, you’ll be able to run 200 yards, then halfway, then the whole she-bang.
Looking back to times I was uber critical of my body seems like a stupid waste of energy. Because it doesn’t matter what your size or shape is. It only matters that you feel good. So, indulge in your own uniqueness. You are the only you there is.
So, there you have them. Three ways to become more confident. They’re not complicated at all. But it’s easy for forget who you are and why you’re there. If you ever forget, remember, to say what you want, remember your worth, and love how you look today.
And if all else fails just look in the mirror and exclaim, “Flawless!”
Abigoliah Schamaun is a stand-up comedian and writer born in the United States, living in London. Tickets for her debut UK tour Abigoliah Schamaun: Do You Know Who I Think I Am?! are available by going to www.abigoliah.com. Follow her on Instagram or Twitter @abigoliah.