There are things you take for granted before you have kids- things- as Michael McIntyre says- that you didn’t even realise were things. Here are just a few activities that take on a whole new meaning once a little one enters your world.
Having a shower alone: Without a little pair of eyes staring up at you from a bouncer- loaded with judgement. Like they are thinking- ‘you’ve let yourself go mum’, or 'how dare you take care of your ablutions while I am awake?!’.
You can't wash your hair without wondering what your baby is doing in those few seconds you have to shut your eyes to rinse, or shave your legs because you have to look down for a moment. All of these things may seem small, but it feels like you’ve had a spa day when you shower by yourself and you take a little longer when you know your baby is safe with your partner.
Eating a meal with both hands and without interruption: Cast your mind back to when you used to eat at the same times every day and have a take-away on a Friday night because it was the weekend, you had two days off and you deserved it.
The day when you actually get to savour your food rather than shovelling it down, so you don’t keel over- is monumental. You may even- dare I say it- eat at the table or engage in some adult conversation with your partner. But let’s not get carried away!
Leaving the house quickly: When you were child free you could just pick up your bag, open the door, close it behind you and go on your merry way. This is impossible with a child. You have to plan in an extra half an hour before every outing for packing, crying, nappy changing, repacking and going back for what you’ve forgotten- then you can set a foot outside the door.
Reading a book in peace: Once upon a time, you could read anywhere- at any time. On the loo, on the train, in bed before a full night’s sleep (HA), in your living room when you had a day off (two words that have no meaning when you’re a parent). Now- it’s sacred time- if you can find a moment to read a page or even a chapter (gasp) you feel like you’ve achieved something with your day in the ‘me time’ category.
Watching your favourite programme all the way through: This is a thing- remember?! But when your little one is awake- it’s not a thing. You think back to the days when you binge watched a whole series of something ALL day- and the only thing you needed to move for was a toilet break and more snacks. Bliss. Now if you can get through an hour of your beloved TV show- you feel like announcing it in the local paper.
Sleeping: The obvious one I know- but you don’t really appreciate sleep until the little thief in the cot next to you has a competition with itself as to how many times they can wake you during the night. The first full night’s sleep you get as a parent is better than sex, chocolate, Christmas and McDonalds rolled into one.
Going out and about with nothing other than a handbag: As soon as your little bundle comes along- that’s it- you are forever bound to the 'mum bag' which contains everything you need (and everything you could possibly need) for your baby. Remember when you could get away with a tiny messenger bag? Not anymore- now it’s like you’re packing for the apocalypse… and it’s offspring too.
It’s full of people who love babies: I don’t think I am speaking out of turn when I say that garden centres attract a lot of older people. People who actually care what their gardens look like and take pride in what goes in them. It just so happens that babies are like catnip for ladies of a certain age so you can guarantee a warm welcome from staff and other customers when you go. Plus, many of them are mums too- so they can hold a conversation with you about motherhood and how it’s all changed since they were in your position.
Tagged in Motherhood